


Rid of the monsters inside your head

by AWalkingParadox



Series: Pain and Words and Random Things [3]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Death, TPP, just in a goodbye kind of mood, this May be a b I t of a vent, yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 02:10:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18929185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWalkingParadox/pseuds/AWalkingParadox
Summary: “Hey, Ben.” Juno mutters, smiling mirthlessly. “Guess it’s been a while, huh?” He shifts into a more comfortable position, casting his gaze to the ground before him.





	Rid of the monsters inside your head

There are many ways to say goodbye. There are many kinds of goodbye. Sad ones. Happy ones. Bitter, angry, empty. Bittersweet ones. The kind with smiles and tears in your eyes. 

It‘s one of those cloudy mornings in Hyperion City. The one’s where the sky manifests a hint of grey, and the sun is hidden for a while. An artificial breeze whips around him, and he draws his coat closer, shivering. 

It’s early in the morning, and all is quiet in the cemetery grounds. He walks among the graves, feet taking him to where he needs to be. All this time and he still can’t forget. His hands are shaking and he can feel his throat close up, and the wind nips at his cheeks. 

He stops at the edge of a row of graves, feet stopping short. For a moment, he considers going back, considers running away. The thought vanished as soon as it came. 

His feels the sharp sting of pebbles under the weary soles of his shoes, and the neon lights of Hyperion City cast a ever shifting glow on stone. 

He kneels down, faintly registering the stone in his knees and choosing to ignore it. His fingers trace the craving, bold black letters spelling his brother’s name. 

“Hey, Ben.” Juno mutters, smiling mirthlessly. “Guess it’s been a while, huh?” He shifts into a more comfortable position, casting his gaze to the ground before him. 

“Twenty years, who would’ve thought?” He clenches his fists, and when he speaks, his voice comes in a strangled whisper. “You know, I thought we’d always be together. Juno and Benzaiten Steel. Who would’ve guessed the time we spent apart outlasts the time we’ve spent together?” He feels the lump in his throat grow bigger, and the composure he’s struggled to keep cracks. 

“You were supposed to be there, Ben. Through thick and thin. Why did you go with her?” 

He hangs his head, letting out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, I know, I know, You’re probably shaking your head at me, aren’t you? You saw something, you saw good in her that I couldn’t. You always did that, Ben, see the good in everyone, even if it killed you.”

“God.” Juno bites his lip, feeling his eyes water. “Look at us. I just turned forty, you know. Every day, we look more and more different, and I hate that I’m glad. I look in the mirror and I still see hints of you in me. I’d like to think a part of you’s still with me. It helps at night.”

“This is weird.” He looks away, trying to slow his ragged breathing. “I’ve done so much things, Ben. Good and bad. I found someone who I can genuinely call my friend. I fell in love and I left him. I’m about to leave Mars, Ben, and jump from star to star. Remember when we talked about that, late at night? All the things we would do, places we would see?”

There’s a slight pause and when he speaks again, it’s rough and quiet. “Every time I do anything, I think of you, and I think of all the things you could never do again.”

“And that’s not fair, I know. You didn’t mean to go, _no one meant for you to go._ It was supposed to be me, you jerk.” Juno sniffs, rubbing furiously at his eyes. “I was supposed to be the one on the the other side of the door, the one dead, not the one left behind. Not the one who’s left alone.”

His words are left in empty air and it’s more painful and more freeing than anything’s he’s ever done. He spits out a hollow laugh. “Here I am complaining again, dunno how Rita puts up with me. You would’ve loved her, Ben. I finally found someone shorter than me, too. She’s brilliant. She knows her way around tech, and her streams, and how to keep me in line. I’d probably have joined you sooner if it weren’t for her.”

“Mick and Sasha are still around, thank God. Mick’s jumping from job to job, the usual, still a mess. He’s doing alright, though. Sasha’s become an agent for Dark Matters, in a very high position, so high it’s classified.” 

“I quit the HCPD. I never really fit in it anyway.” He says. “Rita got me an office: Steel Detective Agency. Private eye does sound cooler than police officer, doesn’t it? We do good things. At least, we tried.”

“I messed up a lot. I hurt people. I killed people, and I didn’t mean to but it doesn’t change that I did. Barton Pollock. A guard at the museum. Wrong place, wrong time, and now he’s gone and it’s my fault. Yasmin Swift. She was a mother, and she wasn’t doing the right thing but at least she had the right intention and that’s already better than majority of the citizens of Hyperion City. And she’s gone too. Pe—....Duke Rose. Met him in a case, got him arrested, ran into him again in another, got captured by...actually don’t even know what she was, slept together, and....well. He told me he loved me. And I got scared, Ben, I got scared that he would tire of me, I got scared of leaving Hyperion, and I left. I left him there without a note or goodbye and I think about it every day since.”

“God, I wish you were here.” He inhales shakily, blinking tears out of his eyes. He lets out a sob, fingers clutching the hem of his coat. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do, Ben. It feels like I’m walking on ice and any moment, I might fall through. And I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to swim back up.”

He crouches on his haunches, leaning against the gravestone, forehead touching the cool stone.

“I miss you, Ben. I miss you so much.” 

Sunlight peeks through a curtain of clouds, and Juno unsteadily gets to his feet. “I’ve got an appointment to catch,” He’s says apologetically, choosing to ignore the raspiness in his voice or how tears still swim in his eyes. 

“Bye, Ben.” He hesitates, gently touched the gravestone, and smiles, the kind where there’s emotions right in your chest but you’ve done something you’ve never thought you’d ever do and maybe, maybe things will get better. 

“I’ll see you later.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo yeah  
> Tell me what you think?


End file.
